Ed Sheeran says he “didn’t want to live anymore” after the deaths of his friends, music entrepreneur and SBTV founder Jamal Edwards and cricketer Shane Warne, in 2022.
Speaking to Rolling Stone magazine, the singer explained that he had dealt with depression “throughout his life” and felt the feelings resurfaced last year.
“You’re under the waves drowning. It’s like you’re inside this thing. And you can’t get out of it,” he said.
Because he is the father of two girls, he was worried that his thoughts were “selfish”.
“Especially as a father, I feel very ashamed about that,” says the 32-year-old singer.
Sheeran acknowledged that it was his wife, Cherry Seaborn, who encouraged him to seek help.
“Where I grew up, no one really talks about their feelings,” she said. “People in England think that going to a therapist is a strange thing… I think it’s very helpful to be able to talk to someone and just let off steam and not feel guilty about letting off steam.”
“Obviously, I’ve lived a very privileged life. So my friends would always look at me and think, ‘oops, there’s nothing so bad about you.’
“Help is not a button you push and you’ll automatically be fine,” he continued. “It’s something that will always be there and you just have to manage it.”
Jamal Edwards gave Ed Sheeran his first big break in 2010. SBTV / YOUTUBE
Jamal Edwards, who gave Sheeran his first big break, died suddenly of a heart attack in February 2022 after taking cocaine and alcohol, a forensic analysis concluded.
Sheeran said the tragedy convinced him to kick a drug habit that he had developed when he was 20 years old.
“I remember I was at a festival and I said, ‘Well, if all my friends are doing it, it can’t be that bad,'” she says.
“But then it becomes a habit that you do once a week and then once a day and then twice a day and then it happens just like it does when there’s no alcohol. It’s just something that turns into bad vibes.”
“I would never, ever touch anything again, because that’s how Jamal died,” he added. “And that is disrespectful to the memory of him, to even bring you near (drugs).”
cry on stage
Shortly after Edwards’ death, Sheeran’s wife was diagnosed with a tumor while pregnant that could not be removed until after their second daughter, Jupiter, was born.
“You feel so helpless,” Sheeran recalled. “There’s nothing you can do about it”.
Seaborn finally carried the pregnancy to term and underwent successful surgery in June 2022, the morning Sheeran performed at London’s Wembley Stadium, Rolling Stone reports.
The emotional toll of those events can be seen in Sherran’s upcoming Disney+ documentary, The Sum Of It All.
In one scene, the star is seen crying onstage, as she processes Edwards’ death and Seaborn’s state of health, while also facing a lengthy copyright lawsuit.
“I’ve never seen him cry on stage,” Seaborn notes in the documentary. “He hasn’t had time to process and be at peace with your thoughts.
Sheeran and Seaborn married in 2019. GETTY IMAGES
Sheeran previously revealed that his new album, Subtract, was completely rewritten against the “undercurrent of pain and hope” he experienced last year.
It was originally planned as a collection of acoustic songs recorded over a 10-year period.
But Sheeran scrapped the project and started over, writing new songs to “make sense” of their feelings.
She made the record with The National’s Aaron Dessner, who previously co-produced Taylor Swift’s lockdown albums, Folklore and Evermore.
Dessner told Rolling Stone that he encouraged Sheeran to show a “more vulnerable” and “elemental” side to his music.
As he had done with Swift, the musician began sending Sheeran instrumental tracks to turn into finished songs.
“I would have these instrumental pieces and I would write lyrics to them when I was riding in the back of cars or on planes or anywhere,” Sheeran says.
“And so it was completed. And that was the record. It all went very, very, very fast.”
The star added who recorded a second album with Dessnercompletely separate, which currently does not have a firm release date.
Sheeran also revealed the existence of a collaborative album with reggaeton star J Balvin, as well as upcoming music with Pharrell, Shakira, David Guetta and Justin Bieber.
In fact, he told Rolling Stone that he has five more albums in mind using mathematical symbols.
He explained that he plans to work on the last one in that series on and off for the rest of his life, “adding a song here and a song there. And it’s only going to be in my will to be released after I die.”
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